AFTER SPENDING THE WEEKEND FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF…
I went on my Monday morning run with God saying, ‘God, here, have my heart. I’m giving it completely to You!’ Fast forward to getting back home, I got a thought to listen to Plies the rapper on Instagram, and his latest video was entitled, ‘I Just Wanna Be Yours!!!!’ with him playing and singing this song, ‘You’ by Jesse Powell. Oh my goodness, I started freaking out feeling the words were me and God singing to each other:
“I’ve finally found the nerve to say
I’m gonna make a change in my life
Starting here today
I surrender all my love
I never thought I could
I’m giving all my love away
And there’s only one reason that I would
And it’s You (God!)”
As of yesterday, August 24, 2020, I want to give my life COMPLETELY to God. To wrap myself in His love (no other love necessary!) and go through every moment of my life KNOWING I’m completely loved, approved of, and accepted my God. To be His girl totally, following His leading in every moment of my life as to what He would have me to do – complete surrender! To be the mother, wife, and person He would have me to be. Not trying to get love from others, but just showing up as my most loving self, sharing God’s love with everyone. Like my brother, Kevin, taught me, I want to SHINE BRIGHT. Like if you’re not rolling with God, you’re missing out on the best life! I want everything about me to REFLECT Him:
“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”
I just wanna be His, glorifying and enjoying Him! That means continually keeping my focus on God as I walk through life wrapped up in His arms, sucking up all His love and attention! For Him to give me those 47 trees (as I just celebrated my 47th birthday!) to run down when I thought about where I could do my long Sunday run with Him where there wasn’t too much sun, was all His love. And then for Him to have me to read a specific message from my meditation book, Jesus Calling, that I randomly scrolled to, in the middle of that run that I had just sat down to discuss with my daughter, Julie, before running, was just to show me that His invisible Presence is intimately involved in every moment of my life, and AGAIN HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME.
Forget about it, ‘GOD, I JUST WANNA BE YOURS, FROM THIS DAY FORTH!!!’ Are you with me?
That’s the perspective I’m going with from now on, even during the trials and tribulations, KNOWING I’m incredibly loved and treasured by Him. I’m the apple of His eyes, and we each can say that with total confidence. I’m just the God nerd over here who pays special attention to Him so that I can report back to you on this sweet loving I’m receiving from Him.
Like yesterday, I went out on my LONG run with Him, and because the field I usually go around is so hot, I kept debating where in my neighborhood I could go where there would be lots of trees for shade. Instead of turning to go through the church’s parking lot, I decided to just keep going, and only a few feet away was a long line of trees. It was as if God was saying, “You need some trees to keep you cool while you run, Nik? Well, here you go!’ I felt so special the whole time as I ran up and down past those trees. I even counted them starting from the hot spot without the trees to the other hot spot where they ended, and I counted exactly 47. And even the number 47 was a wink from God as I just recently celebrated my 47th birthday! I’m telling you, God’s love is just too much!!!
Then, right before I left on my run, I had a sit-down conversation with my daughter, Julie, telling her we have to take challenges from a lighthearted and fun perspective, so we don’t get overwhelmed and frustrated. I told her how I decided to take getting our business back on track as a fun adventure, just showing up every day giving my best. Right in the middle of the run, I asked God what He had to say to me, and I used the scroll key to select something and look what incredibly showed up randomly:
“Discuss everything with Me (God). Take a lighthearted view of trouble, seeing it as a challenge that you and I together can handle. Remember that I am on your side, and I have overcome the world.” – Jesus Calling
See how God is intimately involved in every moment of our lives. I called Julie immediately to tell her about this God wink! No way we could have this exact conversation and an hour or so later for it to randomly just show up on its own. It was God again revealing His invisible Presence with us.
And with all this love I’m receiving from God, I feel He wants me to stop looking to others for their love and attention and FOCUS on His. I’m to suck up His love and share it with others as I ENJOY my life’s adventure with Him holding on to my hand, that He promises never to let go of no matter what I go through. The sweet life with God continues…
Help me to remember that Your love is greater than my disappointments, and Your plans for my life are better than my dreams.” – Tumblr.com via faithprayers
That post was just my high five from God in an alone time with Him there. God shows me such love that I can immediately shake off the disappointments and keep my eyes fixed on His invisible Presence that’s always with me. I’m to the point that I trust God completely. That my only prayer, lately, is simply, ‘Thank You.’ God always exceeds my expectations in every aspect of my life to the point that I say, ‘Lord, may Your will be done.’
That means I get to show up every day as God’s girl, shining bright for Him by being my most joyful, peaceful, patient, loving, moving forward confidently self, knowing that it is God and me going through life together. And He finds the most amazing ways to let me know that He is intimately involved in every one of my moments.
Like yesterday, I completely overdid it in a 5K run. I ran too hard! But even that God used for my benefit. I ended up crashing on our sofa, watching Netflix. My daughter, Julie, mentions that she has lots of anxiety about the future, and I called her to sit next to me to discuss it. Later on that night, she thanked me and I that I helped her to feel better. The last thing I said to her, though, was that she needed more appointments with God. And can you believe this morning she proudly came to show me what God had to say to her in an appointment reading her Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:
“YOU WILL NOT FIND MY PEACE by engaging in excessive planning, attempting to control what will happen to you in the future… I did no design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability. I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring Me all your needs, your hopes and fears. Commit everything into My care. Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace.”
This was precisely what we had discussed! That she should just show up every day as her most excellent self, having constant conversations with God as to what He would have her to do. “To glorify Him and ENJOY Him and not stressing about the future,” I told her. Who are we for God to show up like this for us? God’s love is amazing – To come and comfort my daughter about all her anxieties and let her know that He is with her and is concerned about her.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Do you have appointments with Him? He has LOTS to say to you, too! Come closer to God, and He will come closer to you! (Wink! Wink!)
Within 48 hours of totally freaking out, I called him to say, “Sorry, honey! You know your wife goes crazy sometimes. Forgive me.” It took a conversation with someone where I told them how I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to look for inventory for our business, and I realized that this is what my husband has been doing for years. I said to myself, ‘Wow, Nik, you have a great husband who works extremely hard to take excellent care of you and our kids. What do you have to complain about?’ I called him crying, and he responded something like, “We just have to keep forgiving each other. None of us are perfect.” And that’s the message for today, I believe from God that we must keep forgiving and loving each other.
“And we have known and believed the love that God hath for us. God is love, and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4:16
“You are a loving person,” a friend said to me the other day. Not on the level God wants us. Human love is entirely different from God’s kind of love, and He has been teaching me these painful love lessons. Like to not focus on the imperfections of others or ourselves. To instead see the good in them and what we’re capable of becoming, not past sins and mistakes. To continuously wipe the slates clean, giving mercy and grace and going the extra mile in love and kindness. Doing it all for the glory of God.
Honestly, sometimes though, that God kind of love gets pretty messy and dirty. And guess what God challenges us to do – jump in the dirt with it like a pig in mud, baby. We don’t throw it out because of its imperfections. We keep working on it, developing it, cleaning up the messes when necessary, and striving to be the faithful and loyal people God asks us to be.
Super tough? Hell, YES! But God will be our strength as we tackle these difficult love lessons in all our significant relationships. I tell my daughters that I’m their ride or die mama. Whatever we have to go through, I want them to know that they have a mom who will stand with them through thick and thin. So, even when we have our fights, they know it’s from a mom who loves and thinks the world of them.
That’s the message I’m stealing from my daughter’s mug! We can stress and worry about many things in this life, but the wiser Nikki is learning to keep her focus on God, looking to Him for constant guidance and direction on a moment by moment basis. I do the easy parts of what He asks me to do, and then I turn over the more difficult and harder parts over to Him. God, here, this is for you to handle!!!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
Whenever I read the “I have overcome the world” part, I take it as a wink from God saying, ‘Nik, RELAX, I can tweak (control) situations on your behalf. And let me tell ya, God is a master at that! I see some things happen that I KNOW it’s only God working on my behalf in the spiritual realm as if asking, ‘Who is messing with my Nik?’
These past experiences are what have built my FAITH in Him. I know I’m not going through life alone. I know God is directing my steps. Like He had me to walk DIRECTLY into my sister-in-law, Aima, at the grocery store one day. Another time, I went for my daily run with God pretty late, and again she drove DIRECTLY into me. She told me that I was looking sad, and honestly, she and my daughter, Julie, have both inspired me to GET MY HAPPY BACK and to come out of this negative fog I’ve been in lately.
In this life, WE WILL HAVE TROUBLE! But know we also have God. See the love He has for me by taking me to see my sister-in-law. Like He was saying, ‘Nik, I want you happy again.’ She ended up having a beautiful little get together for my birthday at her house and a photoshoot I planned with the girls and my nephew there just reminded me what an extraordinary life I have and that I have nothing to be sad about. I’m Nikki So Blessed, baby!
They motivated me to start my 50 days of discipline, where I strive to BE JOYFUL. When the negative thoughts come, I’m back to hitting my head, and then I REFOCUS my thoughts:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8
ARE YOU GETTING TO KNOW GOD BETTER? Say, ‘God, I want in on this sweet life with You!’
