That’s the advice from my brother Kevin that I want to continually pass on to you guys!
Talking to him just yesterday, I was reminded that God is calling me to be a wise woman for my family. So guess what move your girl had to make?
I called the Hubba Wubba in Nigeria from by our God Tree today and said:
“Hon, yesterday the conversation question with Joshie was, ‘If your life was a movie, what would be the most embarrassing scene?’ Hon, my most embarrassing scene would be how I talk to you. I’m sorry for the way I speak to you sometimes.”
And that right there was your girl rolling on the high road with God.
God Whisper: That’s my girl, Oneka. That’s Proverbs 14:1 in action. You didn’t let pride drive. You let wisdom drive. A wise woman builds her house.
God lovingly corrected me through this podcast I heard on The Giving Podcast:
Host: Do men really love peace or just women who won’t challenge them?
Guest: I think men want peace and women have to learn how to challenge.
Host: Break that down. I don’t understand.
Guest: I think that a lot of women challenge men in a way that is not effective or conducive to the result that they want. I think that a lot of women struggle to regulate their own emotion and because they’re dysregulated, they’re lashing out and reactive instead of responding.
Whereas a woman that is just challenging… I challenge Brock all the time and I’m not saying that it’s the right way. I’m just saying this is a way that works for us. But the way that I challenge him is:
May I share something with you?
Or can I ask you a question?
Or do you have time for a quick… you know?
And sometimes that comes with a challenge and sometimes it comes with a goofy question and sometimes it comes with love. It’s all of the different things but none of it comes with condescension. None of it comes with disrespect. None of it comes loud or in a crazy tone.
I feel like women get into their emotions and they forget who they’re talking to.
Why is it that we will go to work and we will be the best person we could possibly be for strangers but then we come home and we treat the person we love the most like crap? We don’t talk to them all day. We don’t have patience anymore. We don’t have any energy for them. But when you are just at work you are smiling so hard for Tom, high-fiving, hugging, laughing, smiling but you get home and it’s like ‘man I just don’t feel like it today.’
We have to be mindful of who we are talking to. That person that’s in the house with you is that person that you should value the most and sometimes that’s hard by the way, that’s just the reality of it but that’s work.
God Whisper: Oneka, did you hear that? You give Tom at work all the smiles and you bring home the leftovers to the one you vowed to love? Flip it. Let the world get your leftovers and let your house get your best. That’s what wise does.
God Whisper: A soft answer turns away wrath, baby girl. You don’t have to be loud to be heard. You don’t have to be harsh to be strong. Ask — “May I share?” — that’s wisdom rolling.
That’s the beautiful part of rolling with God, guys! He corrects us when He sees us going the wrong way. The consistent order from God for me has been to overwhelm this husband with love, respect and appreciation. So when I get it wrong, with one glance at God I have to go back to honey and say, “Hon, sorry. You know this wife goes crazy sometimes.” Nobody’s perfect guys!
I’m rolling with what else Joshie and I discussed yesterday about the one rule I would insist on if I ruled the world: LOVE GOD AND LOVE OTHERS!!!
STEP TWO: HOW TO ROLL WISE — 4 WAYS TO PRACTICE TODAY
Okay family, conviction without action is just guilt, and we don’t do guilt — we do growth!
1. THE PAUSE BEFORE THE POUR
Before you speak, you glance at God. When you feel that heat rising, whisper: “God, give me a wise word, not a wild word.” That pause is where wisdom walks in.
God Whisper: You don’t have to attend every argument your feelings invite you to.
2. THE SOFT START-UP
Stop the “You ALWAYS… You NEVER…” Try: “May I share something with you?” “Can I ask you a question, Hon?” Same message, different delivery.
God Whisper: You don’t need a hammer to be heard. A gentle key opens a locked heart.
3. FLIP THE ENERGY — BEST AT HOME
We give Tom at work the best smile and our husband the leftovers. For 24 hours, give your house your FIRST fruits, not your leftovers.
God Whisper: Strangers get your professionalism. Your family gets your heart.
4. THE SAME-DAY REPAIR
Wise women do same-day repairs. Is there something you said in a crazy tone? Don’t let the sun go down. Go back today and say: “My most embarrassing scene would be how I spoke to you. I’m sorry.”
God Whisper: That’s 1% humility + My ZILLION% grace = SYNERGY restoration.
STEP THREE: 5 VERSES THAT HOLD THIS WHOLE BLOGGY
5 VERSES THAT HOLD THIS WHOLE BLOGGY
1. Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Why: This is the whole assignment from Kevin and God — are we building or tearing with our mouth? Our tone is a hammer or a healing tool.
2. Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Why: You don’t need to be loud to be heard. Soft start-ups like “May I share?” defuse war and invite peace. Gentle is stronger.
3. Ephesians 4:29
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up…
Why: God is checking our delivery. Is what I’m saying building my husband up or breaking him down? Wise words build.
4. James 1:19
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
Why: This is the Pause Before The Pour. Quick to listen, slow to speak — that’s emotional regulation, God’s way. That’s how we stop reacting and start responding.
5. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 — Your Synergy Sign Verse!
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Why: Because we will get it wrong sometimes! When we are 1% and messy and emotional, we get to boast — “I need help!” — and God’s ZILLION% rushes in to make us a wise woman anyway. Weak + God = Strong!
STEP FOUR: MIGHTY CLOSE-OUT PRAYER
Father, in the mighty name of Emmanuel — God With Us!
We thank You that You are WITH US in our homes, WITH US in our weaknesses, WITH US when we get it wrong and when we try to get it right.
Today we lay down loudness, condescension, and leftovers. We pick up wisdom, gentleness, and love that builds.
Teach us to PAUSE before we pour, to START SOFT, to give our BEST at home, and to REPAIR the same day.
Make us wise women, Lord. Women who build our houses with gracious words, quick ears, slow mouths, and soft hearts.
We cannot do this in our 1% — but with Your ZILLION%, Emmanuel, we can! For when we are weak, then we are strong because YOU are with us!
We seal our marriages, our families, our words, and our hearts in the name of Jesus — Emmanuel, God With Us!
And we roll…
WE ROLL WITH GOD… We roll with love, strength, peace, joy, kindness, faith, hope, wisdom and compassion.
In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen and Amen!
HERHAW!