This was my hubby SCREAMING at his FAT wife from across the room at a party some years ago. Can you believe this was one of those life-changing moments when I decided to work on myself seriously? The then overweight, insecure, overly emotional, unhappy, and unhealthy Nik, used this HUMILIATION as fuel to become BETTER. And that’s precisely what God seems to do with all my darkness. He shines His BRIGHT light, revealing areas where I can improve.
Another EMBARRASSING AND HURTFUL experience happened some weeks ago when I showed up at an office barbecue. At a certain point, my heart fell to the floor. But again, God used this as an opportunity to replace my heart with a stronger, tougher and a MORE LOVING AND FORGIVING ONE. This HUMILIATION taught me about loving others God’s way.
His love is unfailing and constant. No matter how many times I mess up, God seems to say, ‘It’s cool, let’s begin again. No matter how many times you mess up, you can begin again. I’m with you and for you!’ I loved this message in an appointment with Him one day:
“When you try to speak to Me of the past, I’ll place my hand over your mouth and you will hear words of tenderness and mercy that will melt your heart.” – He and I
And that’s the kind of love He is teaching me to show others. That no matter the past we can show them God’s kind of love and mercy:
“When you learn how to sit at the table with your Judas (someone who has betrayed you), you’ll understand the love of Jesus Christ (God).” – Unknown
So, an extremely dark moment was God’s way of bringing lots of LIGHT and LOVE into my heart for EVERYONE. Nobody’s perfect. But the way I’ve found to get closer to God is through LOVING others MORE.
“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love…Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” 1 John 4:7, 8, 11, 12
I’m living my BEST life with God where I seem to constantly ask, “God, what have I done to deserve such love and kindness from You?” Love is the way, baby. Anything anyone else does is between them and God. I’ve stopped seeking the approval of people; God and Heaven are my audience (Wink! Wink!) where the blessings from Him chase me down. Heehaw!
Let me tell ya, these alone times with God are what keep your girl here at peace, calm, relaxed, and happy KNOWING I’M NOT GOING THROUGH LIFE ALONE. I go and touch the last of the 47 trees God had perfectly lined up for me after my 47th birthday, and I but both of my palms on them and say, ‘God, we’re together! We’re together! We’re together!’ No matter how crazy that may look or sound, I need these crucial reminders because this life gets HARD. I love how my brother, Kevin, described what these runs do for me:
“I don’t know if it gives you strength. I think it gives you wisdom. It gives you time to think, to plan, to focus. You are in a war, you realize that right. Any problem that you have is a war. So, you need to strategize, and I think your runs give you clarity in everything. Keep running. Trust me when I tell you this, I think that is the key.”
He is so right! Like yesterday before going on that run, I was deeply feeling the pain of rejection, and I had to stop what I was doing to have an appointment with God. It was 31 minutes past the hour, so I went to page 31 of my website, and at the very top post there, God, unbelievably, had this to say to me:
“It’s hard to comprehend how much God loves us because we are all used to human love, we had to behave properly, and we had to do certain things to keep our relationships with people going. People blow you off when you don’t do things to please them as we know that conditional love, it lets you down…With God’s kind of love, it’s totally different, it’s awe inspiring….May I be lifted above the pain of rejection, as I remember that who I really am cannot be rejected. May God’s acceptance mean more to me than the acceptance of any person, for it is based on my true worth.” So, there I was, feeling so hurt, down and depressed like this person didn’t want me in their life again, and God’s invisible Presence shows up with this crucial message from Him to me: Nik, the real you, my child, can never be rejected. He picks me up when I’m down.”
Going on that run, after reading this, was exactly what my brother said. It was time to strategize with God as to what He would have me to do. He said, ‘Nik, vent anything to me, but to others keep silent. Be patient. When others are weak, you be the strong one. Don’t repay evil with evil. Keep shining bright for Me, doing everything for Me. I got you. I love and approve of you, and that’s all that matters.” God’s school of hard lessons continues. Put God First in your life, guys! We need His perspective!
I WOKE UP SATURDAY MORNING THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING…
And on our way to work, I mentioned it to my daughter, Julie. She said she knew something I can do that will help me. Fast forward about 30 minutes later, she shows me a cartoon depiction of the very thing I woke up thinking about and what we had just spoken about in the car that had astonishingly showed up in her Instagram feed. We both knew it was God’s fun and sweet way of revealing His intimate Presence with us. Like He is ALWAYS with us. From me waking up and thinking about this issue to having that conversation with my little sweetie to us getting to work and it showing up on her phone was just the love and attention we both are feeling from Him.
After we were having technical difficulties getting one task done, I switched Julie to placing some estimated payments on our vehicles to attract customers’ attention. We ended up selling a car that day, and I asked the customer how he found out about us, and he said, “We were just driving by, and we saw the payments on the cars and decided to stop here.” Again, the sweetness and love of God. His direction I feel through my spirit helping me in every aspect of my life. I pay attention to those nudges from Him when these ideas pop to mind to do something. God even sends the sweetest customers our way!
“Fear the LORD, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing. Young lions go lacking and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. Come, children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.…” – Psalm 34:9-11
And the word “fear” here means having honor and respect for God. That’s the message I hope to convey with my life. That I honor and respect God by being the wife, mother, and person He would have me, and He ALWAYS shows up for me in every area of my life. Everything is between God and me, NOT between me and anyone else.
NOT THAT I GET IT RIGHT ALL THE TIME!!! I’m pretty messed up in many areas, but that where God’s sweet grace (His love, forgiveness, mercy, and favor) comes shining through. ‘Nik, no problem. Just do better next time.’ I feel Him say.
“We’re God’s beloveds,” I said to Julie this morning, still not getting over the cartoon depicting my intimate thoughts to myself. God knows every thought we think!!!! The horror! But unlike humans, He is totally non-judgmental, full of love and forgiveness for each of us, and He lovingly asks us to do the same for others. Can we aim to be more like God even to the point of loving our enemies? All for God’s glory!
Hey, nobody’s perfect! But the God maniac here who always preaching about getting God involved in every decision, didn’t pay attention to His guidance. It was a car I felt doubtful about selling (I’m in the car business), and turns out that that DOUBT was God saying, ‘NIKKI, DON’T!!!’ Don’t sell that car to this lady!’ Exactly what I always write about, and I didn’t follow my advice, and now that customer has skipped away with our car! The horror! But leaving me, and hopefully you too, with a crucial lesson: LISTEN TO GOD IN EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE!!!
When God speaks, it is never a maybe you should do this, He always gives you a ‘Yes, do this!’ through your spirit. When you feel doubtful, hesitant, and unsure about what to do, that’s Him saying, ‘Hold up. Wait a minute. Be cautious. Look into this some more. Stay still. Don’t move.’
On the other hand, when I had a tough decision to make about releasing a title to a customer who purchased a vehicle who still owed money to the bank, God gave me the full confidence to move ahead with it. The feelings were, ‘YES! This guy won’t disappoint you!’ And honestly, this customer went the extra mile to assist me with that transaction. Down to waking up early, waiting in his car for hours for them to text him for his turn to go inside. I mean, he was fantastic!
So, that’s where I want us all, in the 1,000 decisions we make every day, continuously going to God for His help and guidance. As you learn His voice, especially through seeking Him in those alone times, you will learn when He is saying, ‘Yes! No! or Maybe, but proceed cautiously!’
God shows me such love guys! Waking up the other morning and feeling worried about this lady who has stolen our car, I had a sweet God wink. My sister, Juanita Smith, had asked me to review a document for her, and I stopped everything I was doing to help her out (super BIG sister wannabe here!). In the middle of looking at it, I heard Julie’s TV show in the background say what sounded like my sister’s name. I freaked out and I rushed to rewind it, and unbelievably a character on the show said,
“This is the voicemail box of Steven ANITA SMITH (Wink! Wink!). I’m gonna need to call you back!” LOL!
That was close enough for me to know it was another one of my God winks letting me know His Presence is always with me when everything lines up a little bit too perfectly to be some random occurrence. For all the shows, of all the episodes of the exact time I’m looking through that document for my ANITA SMITH was God’s fun way of saying, ‘Nik, I got you!!!’ Ain’t worried ’bout nothing!
