That was the conversation question I loved yesterday at dinner.
I said: I have no regrets.
Not because I haven’t failed — y’all, I’m the queen of falls! But because my biggest mistakes and failures have brought me so close to God. HE SHOWS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF FAILURES TO HELP ME RECALIBRATE AND GET THINGS BACK ON TRACK.
At my lowest is when God comes through for me the strongest. I’m bragging about my failures now and how God comes through for me.
And I said two words: “ESPECIALLY THEN.”
Then today — God wink! I was in an appointment, felt out of it, missed the altar, and felt Him say “Go to page three of our family’s website.”
I opened it — same shirt, same glasses, ME at the top of the page. And look what was staring back at me in an old blog there:
“GOD WAS WITH YOU EVEN THEN. ESPECIALLY THEN.”
I can’t stop thinking about what my spiritual buddy Meta said to me at the altar yesterday.
I was venting about Jason. He has this habit of dragging up my past. “Nik, let’s discuss your mistakes. Let’s talk about it again.”
And Meta dropped this truth bomb:
“In your mistakes and failures, God is there with you. AND ESPECIALLY THEN.”
GOD WHISPER: You think I left when you fell? I moved closer. Your failure didn’t shock Me. Your future didn’t surprise Me. I was holding you even then. Especially then.
HEEEHAW!!! Did you catch that? ESPECIALLY THEN.
That’s been my real-life experience. My lowest moments? My weakest moments? That’s when God shows up the strongest for me. His love is TOO MUCH.
Let’s get something straight about your past: You did the best you could with the cards you were dealt. THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE. THAT’S A FACT.
You made decisions with:
1. The light you had — you didn’t know what you didn’t know yet
2. The wisdom you had — you were growing
3. The wounds you had — hurt people hurt people, but healed people heal people
GOD WHISPER: Child, I don’t grade you on the test you took before I taught the lesson. I grade you on the trust you give Me now. Stop re-litigating yesterday. I already redeemed it.
We all mess up. We’re human. But here’s the key: Don’t sit in your failure. Repent. Repair. Keep moving. DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST!!!
See the love of God? He isn’t like humans judging us. He wants us coming to Him even if we are the biggest failures on the planet and like Meta said, “Especially then.”
This is why I LOVE this message from Pastor Philip Anthony Mitchell from 2819 Church — that every day, no matter how many times I mess up, I can come back to God: BOLDLY.
When you’ve fallen and missed it, come BOLDLY.
When you’ve sinned and made mistakes, come BOLDLY.
When you’ve drifted from Him, come BOLDLY.
When you stop reading, come BOLDLY.
When you stop praying, come BOLDLY.
When you stop going to church, come back. BOLDLY.
When you’ve been gone from the gathering for a long time, come back at the fellowship house. BOLDLY.
IT’S THE LIES OF THE DEVIL THAT KEEPS YOU OUT OF HIS PRESENCE.
GOD WHISPER: The altar isn’t for perfect people. It’s for people who know where to run when they’re not. HEEHAW!
You don’t clean up to come to God. You come to God to get cleaned up!
STEP 2: HOW TO LIVE “ESPECIALLY THEN”
Yesterday I learned it. Today I have to LIVE it.
FOR WOMEN — My sisters who replay and carry shame:
Morning: Before your feet hit the floor — “God, here I am again. I want a closer walk with You today. No shame.”
In the moment you mess up: Do the 3 R’s in 3 minutes. Repent: “Lord, I missed it.” Repair: Apologize quick and clean if you need to. Roll: Keep moving and say “ESPECIALLY THEN, You are with me.”
At night: Instead of rehearsing your failures, rehearse His faithfulness. “God was with me even then. Especially then.”
FOR MEN — My brothers who hide to be strong:
Morning: 60 seconds at the truck, the porch, the bathroom. “Father, I’m here. Even if I blew it yesterday, I’m coming BOLDLY.”
In the moment you want to bring up her past or go quiet about your own: Catch that whisper. Flip it. “We don’t dwell on the past here. We are new. We repent, repair, and keep moving.”
At night: Don’t go to bed carrying it. Drop it at the altar. “I did the best with what I had. I give it to You. I receive Your love ESPECIALLY THEN.”
IN MARRIAGE: We have a family code now. When the past comes up, we say “ESPECIALLY THEN.” That means: I see the failure, but God was there even then, so I will be too. We don’t do shame here.
STEP 3: 5 VERSES THAT ARE THIS MESSAGE
1. Romans 8:38-39 — Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
Why: This IS Especially Then. Your worst day can’t separate you. You’re still engraved on His palm.
2. Hebrews 4:16 — Let us approach God’s throne of grace with confidence [BOLDLY].
Why: The invitation isn’t “clean up first.” It’s COME BOLDLY. Mercy is waiting, not judgment.
3. 2 Corinthians 12:9 — My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Why: Your weakest moment is His strongest showcase. That’s why you can brag about your failures.
4. Isaiah 43:18-19 — Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!
Why: God isn’t asking you to re-litigate yesterday. He’s already redeemed it and doing something new.
5. Micah 7:8 — Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.
Why: The Queen of Falls anthem. You don’t stay down. You run to the Light.
STEP 4: THE CLOSE-OUT PRAYER
Put your hand on your heart. Come BOLDLY:
Father, in Jesus’ name — here I am again.
Here I am again, Lord. I messed up.
Here I am again, Lord. I fell down.
Here I am again, Lord. I’m struggling.
Here I am again, Lord.
Thank You that You were with me even then. ESPECIALLY THEN.
I repent where I need to repent. I forgive myself. I receive Your complete forgiveness. I break agreement with shame and hiding. Nothing, not even this, can separate me from Your love.
Father, I want a closer walk with You. Not a perfect walk. A closer one. Teach me to Repent. Repair. And keep rolling with You.
For my sisters — lift off perfection and overthinking. For my brothers — lift off isolation and proving. Let us know we are loved ESPECIALLY THEN.
We come boldly to Your throne to receive mercy and grace right now. We are Yours. Even then. Especially then. Always.
In Jesus’ name, Amen. HEEHAW!!!
WE ROLL WITH GOD… WE ROLL WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE’VE FAILED AND MESSED UP.
Let’s keep it pushing! God Himself is with and for us!!!