AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN ON OUR ANNIVERSARY
It was 20 years ago today that I met my husband for the first time, and honestly, it has been a beautiful life adventure with him and our kids. However, the crazy lady (your girl here!) has been playing this silly cat and mouse game where I INSANELY chase my husband for his love, attention, and approval. Between hubby and God, though, I’m Nikki so spoilt! But today, I went venting/crying to God about all my frustrations. It was 54 minutes past the hour, so I went to page 54 of our family’s website, and God had this to say to me there through an old post from many years ago:
“TODAY, I RAN SIX MILES IN TWO HOURS UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS OF OUR HOUSE!!! I’m working on a better me, baby! The goal was to get rid of the old Nik and my constant sad and hurtful thoughts, and for a happier and more focused person to emerge (sadly, I’m still working on this years later!). The run was fantastic…I pretty much played one song repeatedly, ‘Let Me Be Love You,’ (William Singe’s version), imagining God singing these lyrics to me:
“You should let Me love you
Let me be the One to
Give you everything you want and need
Ooh baby good love and protection
Make Me your selection
Show you the way love’s supposed to be”
I read that, and it immediately turned my depressing thoughts into such joy and laughter with God. I knew right away that this was His fun and special way of speaking directly to me, sweetly saying, ‘Nik, how many times do you want Me to repeat this to you? LET ME BE THE ONE TO LOVE YOU, My Girl!!! Other humans only have so much love to give. Let me show you the way love’s supposed to be.”This is a message for you too, by the way!) Wink! Wink!
I didn’t get to go to my God tree until much later, but I decided to read page 54 again with that same message of letting God be the One to love me. Fast forward to when I was almost home, and look what song randomly played out of my library of over 800 songs:
“You should let Me love you
Let me be the One to
Give you everything you want and need
Ooh baby good love and protection
Make Me your selection
Show you the way love’s supposed to be”
This time it was the original version of the song by Mario. No coincidence, baby! Only God showing me His love!!! God, let me be the one to love you!!! (HUGE SMILE) Under that tree, He also had this to say:
“Don’t you know that I give far more than you expect. Haven’t you noticed this spiritually, materially?” “There is more. Much, much more!” Wink! Wink!
Even this husband I chase insanely for love is a gift from God. He has his way of showing me and our kids his deep, deep love for us, in his own unique way; it’s just crazy lady here who likes to take over sometimes, expecting too much from him. Thanks, boo, no regrets! I will marry you again in a heartbeat! Do your thing and live your best life knowing how much this wife loves and is loyal to you! God, I will let You be the One to love me as I do my best to share Your love with others. Your Rockstar! Wink! Wink!